The Flabbergaster of my 3rd Anniversary

If my wife weren’t LDS, she would be invited to play poker at least once a week. This is not because she has any great skill; the opposite actually, she would be invited because she cannot lie and everyone at the table would win at least $5 from her. With that in mind, imagine my shock last night when Mary Karlee revealed that she successfully pulled off a deception worthy of getting her hired by the son of the late king of Nigeria. I will refer to this event as

The Flabbergaster of my 3^rd Anniversary

So, last night I was all pumped up to take Marielle on a Daddy-daughter date. MK was going downtown to a Quilting Expo with a friend and wouldn’t be back until late. As she gathered her things to go, she turned to me and said:

“There are times in a marriage when it is required to deceive your husband. This is one of those times.”

Then she tossed me a box of Fig Newtons to help me figure out what we were really doing and ran out the door with Marielle. I knew before I even heard the car start up where this had to be going.

You see, my wife and I have only one association with Fig Newtons: the serving size is 2 cookies, but who can eat only 2 cookies? 2 sleeves should be the serving size.

And now you also see where this is going. Mary Karlee bought tickets for us to go see Brian Regan – and managed not to tell me about it for one month. If you don’t see why that’s impressive, let me share a few memories with you:

1. Last year, Mary Karlee bought me a pair of Vans shoes for Christmas. I got them on November 21 because I found them sitting on the counter, and MK panicked.
2. Some time ago, I wrote a note to Mary Karlee and placed it on our bathroom counter for her to see in the morning when she got ready. Well, the next day she sneakily replaced it with an identical looking note to me, only she was too excited to wait and let me discover it on my own. As I brushed my teeth that night she cried out “I can’t wait! Look at your note!”

Let me emphasize that this is one of the reasons why I love my wife: she is open and good and honest to the corps. And to the core. Not only is she not mean and deceitful, she can’t even pretend to be. And yet she fooled me. She even kept her cool one night when she almost goofed by telling a story related to the tickets, and ended it abruptly by saying “and then Hyrum… well, it was awkward.”

She successfully dropped the bombshell Saturday night and destroyed my simple, trusting, naivete. We met the Ernstrom’s at Café Adobe, which by the way serves the only chimichanga on the planet whose recipe was revealed by a resurrected being. Then the four of us went to see Brian. When the no-outside-food-or-drink-guards told me I couldn’t take in my Fig Newtons, I bluffed my way through saying “It’s a prop. He does a bit about the serving size.” She shrugged. I confidently strode passed. That’s when the guard tazered me. Just kidding. Erica, Mary Karlee & I blatantly ate our 2 cookies, while Hyrum pretended not to know us for fear of being ejected.

Oh, and we laughed until we cried. Then those of us wearing glasses, had to remove them to wipe away the tears.