Monday, November 29, 2010

Statement of Retraction

A Mullen: 4 Corners story about a missing package of bite size Oreos was based on suspicions that appear to have been unfounded, the reporter and editor responsible for the story said Monday.

Reporter Mary Karlee and her managing editor Ryan Mullen, hereby issue a statement of retraction. "We apologize for the misinformation and any undue stress this caused nursery parents and/or leaders," said the statement, signed by the writers and staff of Mullen: 4 Corners. This statement comes after a nursery leader promptly reported passing out the aforementioned Oreos as a hypo-allergenic treat at the end of nursery. The blog took withering criticism for the Oreo article, which appeared on Sunday evening. "It appears that what I took to be flecks of dirt on Jenna's cheek were in fact genuine Oreo crumbs," Ryan admitted Monday evening. "While I can't speak for the lab that examined our findings, I think the analysis was complicated since Jenna's known to eat food off the ground."

"When I initially interrogated the main witness, 18 month-old Jenna," Mary Karlee recalled, "she refused to answer any questions, except with the occasional 'baby' or 'bird'. Nothing that sounded like 'Oreo'. She wouldn't even tell me how old she was. I had to go on circumstantial evidence."

"As nursery parents ourselves, we express our gratitude for those who watch and teach our toddler every Sunday. Based on our grandparent policy, we affirm the autonomy of whoever is watching our kids to dispense or withhold whatever food they feel is appropriate," the Mullens said in what must have been rehearsed simultaneity.


Brandy said...

HAHAHA!! You guys crack me up :)

Rebecca said...

Please tell your reporter and editor how much I enjoyed this!

Katie said...

Goodness, this was an entertaining. You had me at the edge of my seat!

And so well written too...I don't know if "retractionist" is a profession, but if was, you should be one.

Flem said...

Retraction? Weak.

Karisa said...